Weird Stuff

WOW things have been weird for me lately or have they been the same? More of the same I guess.

Sam has been in Hawaii for the past 2 Months. He visited this weekend, the same weekend my Mom planned a family trip to Lagoon.

Since he was only going to be here for the weekend (and thus would miss out on having time with the kids) I suggested he join us.

Everything went alright, he took charge of keeping Sione entertained. I helped my parents with the little girls (my daughter and my brothers daughters, all around the same age).

The next day, he decided to bring the kids up to Bridal Vale Falls to ride their bikes. After trying to figure out the new bike rack that I bought for my Honda (which doesn't fit the Yukon) and then searching for bike racks on Craig's List to fit the Yukon (because I refused to let him try forcing my rack to the Yukon) I finally convinced him to use the trailer that I bought for $300 dollars that was already sitting out side. I came along because I needed to get out of the house and on the way up he yelled at Sione for crying and told him "only fagots cry like that." I told Sam to apologize because that was uncalled for.

Later on I asked him to help me cut up some beef bones to make some good stock from. I was also helping him with his bankruptcy paperwork. My fiance called me and when I hung up with him Sam told me that he didn't think I was still talking to Ajey. He then asked me if things were going to work out. I was a bit taken aback but not too surprised that he was asking me these questions. 1 because Ajey isn't here yet and 2 because Sam is always trying to push the limits with me. He then told me that his friends keep telling him that he needs to move on and that he doesn't think the kids would be happy because he wouldn't be able to be the same with them anymore. That he wouldn't send money for their needs like he does now and wouldn't be able to spend time with them. More or less in those words.

Then he showed me a picture of some girl who wants to marry him. She's a teacher and has a son and apparently Sam's exactly what she's been looking for. I rolled my eyes at this.

On the way to pick up the kids from my moms house he brought the topic up again, told me that he regrets all the stupid stuff that he did, starting from our honeymoon. He was talking about the financial needs of the kids, how Koli is going on a mission in a few years and then Angie. He brought up that he doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want another financial burden. I asked him if the girl who wanted to marry him knew about the things that he's done. He said "No, but she can check the internet. I told her there's stuff in my past, but she said she doesn't care about the past."

Stupid

Girls are so stupid, when guys say there is stuff in my past a lot of times it's really, really bad stuff.

I just got out of the car and went in the house (my Dad had brought the kids home so we had turned around and gone home during this discussion).

The next day I dropped Sam off at the airport. On the way up there he had this backwards conversation with a friend of his cousin. "You're my sister, yeah. Hone (his cousin) is my sister so now you're my sister because your her friend and friends don't date their brothers."

Another chance to point out that he has girls who want to date him.

Well I'm thrilled for him right? Actually more scared that he's going to marry some other girl and will ruin her life. Plus somehow, somehow his mess could come in to my life and effect it.

Lesson learned for me (again) the less I talk to Sam the better.

Second weird thing, long distance relationships. Enough said.

Well, I'm done at work. Just wanted to blog a bit.

~Annie

A Beautiful Mess - By Jason Mraz

Scarlet Pimpernel

I've only heard bits and pieces about the Scarlet Pimpernel, my friend Sorina says it's her favorite play. Here are a coupld of the songs she mentioned to me along with a Wiki link about the work.

Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scarlet_Pimpernel

Where's the Girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNVZkYyyoCU

Falcon in the Dive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbY_RMGwEzQ

From Les Mes!

Learn this: joy is not only joyous; it is great.

But be in love gayly then, what the deuce! Marry, when you marry, with fever and giddiness, and tumult, and the uproar of happiness! Be grave in church, well and good.

But, as soon as the mass is finished, sarpejou! you must make a dream whirl around the bride. A marriage should be royal and chimerical; it should promenade its ceremony from the cathedral of Rheims to the pagoda of Chanteloup.

I have a horror of a paltry wedding. Ventregoulette! be in Olympus for that one day, at least. Be one of the gods.

My friends, every recently made bridegroom ought to be Prince Aldobrandini. Profit by that unique minute in life to soar away to the empyrean with the swans and the eagles, even if you do have to fall back on the morrow into the bourgeoisie of the frogs.

Don't economize on the nuptials, do not prune them of their splendors; don't scrimp on the day when you beam. The wedding is not the housekeeping. Oh! If I were to carry out my fancy, it would be gallant; violins would be heard under the trees.

Here is my programme: sky−blue and silver. I would mingle with the festival the rural divinities; I would convoke the Dryads and the Nereids. The nuptials of Amphitrite, a rosy cloud, nymphs with well dressed locks and entirely naked, an Academician offering quatrains to the goddess, a chariot drawn by marine monsters.

"Triton trottait devant, et tirait de sa conque Des sons si ravissants qu'il ravissait quiconque!"[65]

−−there's a festive programme, there's a good one, or else I know nothing of such matters, deuce take it!"

[65]

"Triton trotted on before, and drew from his conch−shell sounds so ravishing that he delighted

everyone!" 

The night of the 16th to the 17th of February, 1833, was a blessed night. Above its shadows heaven stood open. It was the wedding night of Marius and Cosette.

The day had been adorable.

It had not been the grand festival dreamed by the grandfather, a fairy spectacle, with a confusion of cherubim and Cupids over the heads of the bridal pair, a marriage worthy to form the subject of a painting to be placed over a door; but it had been sweet and smiling.

Yesterdays Gone

Today's 3.5 hour day (the remaining amount needed for 40 hours) has turned into a full day, from 11:00 AM to almost 11:00 PM!!

Sometimes I really dislike being the one in charge...

My position here at Adobe is a bit tentative... supposedly it could become permanent, I could soon be leading a team of 3 at the Orem office and off to train a team of x number temps in India. OR I could be leading a larger team in Orem and then a team in India... It all depends upon the terms that my manager is able to get from her boss.

The issues for me are slightly more complicated. The system we started out using has proven to be a big hindrance in some ways, though useful in some ways...

My dilemmas, well... I feel like I need to be the one to make this all work. I keep trying and trying to get this process smoothed out and set right but it seems that dilemmas keep creeping in. Today I discovered that if we don't review everything that we've loaded into the system, we could potentially have multiple parents in our files that we don't know about (multiple parents for 1 customer record). What that means is more time sorting through 1 company; we have hundreds of companies to get through!

I really want to write up scenarios behind all of the issues we are facing as a team so that I can explain them to the broader team but I am finding that my time is being eaten away by trying to fix the issues that are cropping up within my own files. The broader IT team in general has no idea what our process is now which needs to be amended before they will be able to understand how to help us.

One thing that is a big hindrance to me is my communication skills. At some points of time I am quite apt at communication, at others (around certain times of the month) I am TERRIBLE I just can't concentrate when a sea of raging hormones starts dancing around in my body, it is so frustrating!

It helps when my friend Robert is on the ball; he's a fairly good communicator, my IT contact that has helped me to create the current process our team is using. He created macros to use wild cards to search for the data we need to evaluate. Robert can talk a lot, and he interrupts me at times during meetings, but I forgive him because he usually interrupts with points that I am missing. He's been in the corporate world longer than I have and understands the business better. I am sometimes narrow minded as to why the issues we are facing should matter to the larger business community. My point is that these problems irritate me and the team and then that they hinder us from accomplishing our goals. He usually stays focused on the big picture of accomplishing this extremely important goal of hierarchy creation (at least that's the whole point of many peoples jobs here). I'm starting to get it now, but I wish I didn't have to go through this painful adaptation process where I stumble around and look quite foolish trying to explain things.

Robert is the most professional guy that I've ever worked with, straightforward, very respectful, very encouraging. He tells me that I'm a superstar and thanks everyone very sincerely when we are in meetings for their participation and for the good job we all do. Such good manners, I really like him.

Other members of the team are my good friends. They contribute quite a bit to our goals, I really appreciate them... but then it seems that I'm the one that identifies issues that need fixed, and it's hard for me to stay on top of team training when I'm working on everything else.

In any case, this has been the perfect job for me. I might sound like I'm complaining but I'm not, I LOVE developing processes, making things work, smoothing things out.

Whew

I will feel relived if/when my job becomes permanent. I will get health insurance, paid vacation time, paid holidays! YAY!

Lovely Day :)

Several lovely things happened today. I'm listening to some delightfully done audio books while working through some files and participated in a call with the sales team which highlighted some of the benefits of the process I've helped to develop.

"The Hobbit!" I love the way the reader of the book modified his speach to match who was talking, it made it very enjoyable to listen to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7jYQFTV7EM

Now "The Lord of The Rings" it's so delightfully done, here is a link to the You Tube series that I've been listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1Rt_usiJgo

Nice Sunday Afternoon

Today has been a nice day, relaxing. It has been a bit cold and rainy outside as of late so it's nice that today has been fair and clear. I've had a nice long nap... :)

Friday and Saturday were a wash for me as I spent them putting in some extra hours at work. Basically matching up data that will make our process run smoother in the future. I'm not yet sure if it was worth it.

My manager is coming on Tuesday from San Jose. Her boss will be here as well and our whole team gets to meet her. This should be interesting...

My manager wants everyone to tell about the different ways that they have contributed to the team. For the most part everyone on the team has had special assignments, all except one team member. She is going through a tough time at the moment, a nasty divorce and breast cancer. So I've not assigned much to her, just basic duties. She was the first one to try out the new process that Robert and I developed though, she's taken off with it and cranked out a bunch of hierarchies. My worry is that she's not careful in what she does, she could potentially have a lot to do in backtracking during the validation phase that I've just worked out.

All will work out though.

I've decided to join the vast masses who have read "The Hunger Games," I just started reading it. if I didn't have other demands on my time I would read it straight through, the dystopian setting is very intriguing. The main character Katniss is quite appealing, strongly attached to her little sister, upset at her mother for having "checked out" after her fathers death. Also an excellent hunter, someone who could hopefully last through the murderous "Hunger Games."

In fact, I'm off to read a bit more...

~Annie

Feels Like Today - Almost Every Day (Until I blink)

What has life really been like lately? It's hard to convey that through the written word. I'm constantly looking to improve my world, sometimes that keeps me going on a treadmill because it's never going to be "enough." I realize that but it doesn't stop me from the continual process of improvement. I guess that's OK at least it means that I have something to think about each day.

Some of the things I'm most proud of recently are from my efforts at work. My temp contract "might" be (probably will be) extended until December. Ironically we (the team and I) never really accomplished the goals that were originally set out for us. However, through observation and effort we've found ways to get to the core of what the company really wants. In fact this has mostly come about from a suggestion that my manager made to change our focus from "enriching entities" which are a subset of each company we are working on to focusing on the entire company, creating a complete picture of that company.

Here is where my incredibly irksome habits/tendencies have actually been beneficial for someone (including me). What I mean is that I am detail oriented to pain points at times. That and I have the ability to see a big picture, or direction where others see chaos. So I took the task in hand of creating an entirely new process and kept at it, kept asking questions, asking for tools... all with this framework of what I knew we needed and eventually (just recently) a member of the IT team has assigned himself to work with me (because our project effects his year end project) and we now have (thanks to his brilliance with writing VBA code) an all encompassing process which is efficient, accurate and comprehensive.

As to the staying on for another 6 months... I'm debating it actually, the pay is good... but as a temp I don't receive benefits so making a good pay is a liability to me as far as benefits go (Medicaid). Soooo.... to stay or to leave, that is the question.

As far as other things in my life. I'm progressively healing (I hope) my digestive system. I'm (trying to) follow the GAPS Diet. I've followed similar dietary strictures for a while now so it's not that hard to adapt to the diet. My weakness is Chocolate sweetened with malitol.... theoretically I shouldn't be eating it. Otherwise I'm eating lots of Chicken Soup (with out rice or noodles) and trying to follow the introduction diet, but it's hard. (I don't have a lot of time to prepare food and/or study up on what I should be eating and/or planning meals) so I'm having a hard time. I wish someone could do the planning for me, I'm so busy...

One really good thing is that my Ex-Husband is working in Hawaii. That means he's not around as much to disturb my relationship with my kids. The bad thing is that I don't have the time like I said to plan like I should so that they get a variety of different meals. They're lucky to get what they do get... They feel deprived so when Sam comes around and takes them out to fast food restaurants and etc... they love it! I don't know what to do about that, I'll just keep trying my best.

Today's been a bit tough, I was tired at work so I  came home to take a nap and finished out the workday from home. It's late now, and I've gotta go pick up my little one... so I'm off.

~Annie

Avalanche, Weariness

I didn't sleep well last night, something kept me awake though I didn't feel any particular urgency about anything, just restlessness. This morning I awoke to 60+ MPH winds outside, I got up and shut the window and then attempted to sleep a bit more.


I dutifully got up and dressed, then drove away attempting to get to work. I dropped off Little R and got a few blocks in the direction of work when I decided to turn around as I was too tired to keep going.

So I came back home, informed my boss that I was too tired to come into work and attempted to sleep (again). I got a bit of rest, not the deep restorative kind, but a light kind of rest, then fired up the computer to work a bit from home.

So that's been my day, attempting sleep, bleary eyed work and some stumbling here and there, cleaning this and that.

In theory I should get to bed early so that I can wake up early, get done with work (early) then come home in order to take care of my kids...

Usually it's the other way around, go to bed late, wake up late, get to work late, come home late, get dinner made (late) then on and on ad nauseum....

Whenever I try to change that pattern something or other occurs to set me back. Either I can't sleep well, or I get sick or the kids keep me up, or I stay up trying to catch up in order to be ready for the next day.

Arrgh

I am starting to get better at some aspects of life, but others are still... challenging...

One interesting thing that I'm going to try out this year is the idea of a garden that is more like what God does out in nature, a simple concept where you keep adding wood chips (from tree trimmers) to a garden plot and the chips retain moisture and keep weeds out. The layers build up over time, the lower layers breaking down and becoming rich fertile soil, the new layers making a pleasant surface to work from and plant into.

There's a film online called "Back to Eden Film" that describes all about the method, it's a beautiful thing. :)

Sometimes the simplest methods work the best.

Poem About Weariness

If I close my eyes, am I closer to God? Is my spirit in a different realm? Am I safe?

If I focus on today, can I forget the follies of yesterday? Can I forget those stupid mistakes, if I no longer see the suffering they've caused? Or shudder from embarrassment from my mistakes.

If you forgive me, is my conscience clear? Especially when forever I know the duplicity of my behavior in the past.

Is torture any less cruel when it is inflicted from within?

If I close my eyes, will this sadness go away?

If I could only get enough sleep... perhaps tomorrow would be full of clarity, less errors.

Between stimulus and action is a choice, chaos is an avalanche of stimulus, a neglect of conscious choices... choices by default... I hate that.

~Annie

Some days are of Sunshine, Some are of Rain

Last weekend was full of sunshine, Roxie and I walked to the park on Saturday and on Sunday.

This week has been full of shadows and rain. I've been inside all the day long, making up a few hours of work, watching a few episodes of "Blues Clues" with little Roxie and reading a book on "Power Phrases (basically how to speak up when needed).

I feel slightly dizzy and unwell this week. Part of the "cleansing" process of the body, so it's a good thing, but it means less energy to get things done.

Well this is short, time for bed now. :)